Mom's Memoirs - Booklet Handed Out During Calling Hours
MARGARET ROSE MARSH O’BRIEN
The family of Margaret Rose Marsh O’Brien want to thank you for coming here today to pay your respects to our Mom and Grandma. She was a very special woman, and we all loved her very much.
In tribute to her, we’d like you to have this booklet which contains excerpts from her memoirs and stories of her life -- a life we believe deserves much more than an impersonal funeral.
For your convenience, this booklet also contains information to help you recognize “who is who” in the receiving line.
John, the eldest of the O’Brien children, lives in Kansas City, MO, with his wife, Laura. They are parents of four children: Diana, also of Blue Springs and John Jr. of Belize. Two of their children, Pamela and Steve, are deceased. John is retired from AT&T.
Betsy Lowe is the oldest daughter and currently lives in Girard with her husband, Bob. Betsy and Bob have six children: Terri Kellar (Windham), Jim Kellar (Newton Falls) Bruce Kellar (Atlanta, GA), Chris Kellar (Warren), Scott Lowe (Liberty) and Amy Lowe (deceased). Betsy is a local realtor.
Diane Balciar, the middle child, lives in Canfield with her husband, Paul. They have one daughter, Allison Finney (Franklin, TN). Diane and Paul are retired from Delphi Packard and moving to Franklin, TN in the near future.
Dan (Tom) O’Brien, of Howland, the youngest son, is a social worker for the State of Ohio and was Mom’s primary caregiver. Special thanks go to him for taking such good care of Mom. The last part of her life was a real challenge, and he went above and beyond the call of duty.
Kathy Davin, the youngest daughter, lives in Bay Village with her husband, Martin and their son, Colin. Kathy is a talented beautician.
Altogether, Mom had 11 grandchildren and 16 great grandchildren.
Although Audrey Sylak of Mineral Ridge is not a blood relative, she’s been Mom’s friend since second grade and has been loyal through “thick ‘n thin.”
Mom was preceded in death by her husband, John, who died in July, 1972; a brother Larry, and her parents, Elizabeth Quinlan Marsh and Lawrence Marsh.
Some people live ordinary lives; that was never the case with Mom. Every year, it seems, brought unusual events. Often these events were what others might consider life-altering and unbearable tragedies. To Mom they were normal and strengthening. Her motto might have easily been “Storms make strong roots”, except that we tried to avoid the word “storm” around her.
Our Mom’s life was definitely exciting, and we’d like to share some of it with you.
Some of you knew Mom through her bridge club. She played bridge for over 60 years, right up to her death. In fact, she gave Diane bridge lessons just days before her death. This is amazing, considering she was almost 90 years old. She was trying to hold on until March 13 so she could enjoy the Hawaiian luau planned for her 90th birthday.
Others knew her from St. Joseph’s Hospital where she worked as a physical therapist for many years to support herself and her five children. It was hard work, but she no doubt thrived on helping others recover from illness or injury.
Some knew her from St. James Church where she attended most of her life, and where we kids attended grade school. Mom never missed Mass; her Catholic religion was a source of comfort to her during the tough times. She enjoyed watching Bishop Sheen during the “old days.” Even during her illness, she watched Sunday Mass on TV.
Some knew her from one of her many neighborhoods. Mom was prone to move quite frequently. In earlier years, it was due to necessity. But more recently, we think she just got bored in the same old house and felt the need to move on. Spring cleaning was never necessary with Mom--she just packed up and left instead.
Some of you are relatives, friends or bingo buddies, or, perhaps, knew her through one of us kids.
But no one knew her better than Audrey Sylak. Many people touch others at one time or another and often move in and out of their lives without really getting to knew them. Not Audrey. She met Mom in the second grade at St. Stephen’s, in Niles, and has remained her closest friend. They spent 83 years of sharing one another’s joys, secrets, problems, vacations, and bridge scores. Thank you, Audrey, for all those Christmas and birthday gifts when money was scarce and for being there for Mom, right to the end.
Mom was independent and somewhat of a pioneer in her day. After high school graduation, in 1933, she worked at the Niles GE Lamp Plant, and then in 1935 relocated to Bridgeville, PA. We have pictures of her boarding prop planes back in the 30’s, --pretty brave for a gal back then.
She met our Dad during a vacation to Washington D.C., and they fell in love immediately. It’s no wonder. She was beautiful, and Dad was quite a handsome guy with a charming Bostonian accent and his Army uniform. They married on December 6, 1941--one day before Pearl Harbor Day.
The following are excerpts from her memoirs, entitled
BitterSweet
by Margaret O’Brien
“This story is named as such because we find in all our lives we must accept the bitter with the sweet, as God wills it (quote from L.P., my brother).
This story started on a cold, winter day on Sunday, December 7, 1941 in Cape Cod, MA. As a newly-wed couple, Margaret and John woke up to the sounds of bells, newsboys and blasts from a bedside radio. The city was in turmoil at what seemed to be a horror story on a radio. But, in reality, it was the announcement to the world that Japan had bombed and completely destroyed our US Air Base in Hawaii—called Pearl Harbor. World War II had begun. We were married only the day before at an Army Chapel in Massachusetts.
If the bombing had occurred 24 hours sooner, this story could never be told.
Every one of us has a story to be told, and this is mine.”
No, their timing wasn’t particularly great. Our Dad immediately shipped out, leaving Mom behind in a rooming house in Cape Cod—alone in a strange town and without much money. Her Mother (our Nana) had traveled from Niles to attend the wedding, and was en route home on a train when war was declared. Nana was “stuck” halfway home, unable to contact anyone and with very little money also. It was the first of many of our Dad’s departures. Mom and Dad only saw each other occasionally during the next three months. He was sent to Greenland. She was shocked to discover several months later that she was pregnant.
Mom returned to Niles to await the birth of her first child.
“It was a lonely few months, but finally, …I went to St. Elizabeth’s Hospital to have my baby boy at ten minutes after the new day of Christmas, December 24, 1942.”
Dad returned from Greenland to greet the baby, who was named, John Douglas, after his father and his father’s great idol, General Douglas McArthur. It was hoped that the baby would follow in the General’s footsteps. Mom, Dad and Johnny moved to Leominster, MA, near Dad’s newly-assigned Army base.
“The streets were quaint; sidewalks were mostly cobblestone and brick. We had an apartment that we shared with another couple to save money. At that time the monthly paycheck was $50 a month for a PFC, and it hardly covered the rent. Johnny grew very fast and was happy.”
The now tattered, black and white photos Mom saved prove that Johnny was indeed adorable. One of her many blonde-haired, blue-eyed darlings. Mom lived in Cape Cod that year and, became a married “single Mom.”
Mom loved poetry and kept a handwritten notebook of her favorites, which still exists. In this collection is a poem which she clipped the year John was born. It goes something like this:
“Deedle, deedle dumpling my son, John
Went to bed with his stockings on,
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Deedle, deedle dumpling, my son, John.”
Near as we can tell, Dad must have favored Spring leaves of absences, because three years later, in November, 1945, Betsy was born. In fact, all of us were born in that general time frame.
By this time, Mom and her two tow-headed children lived in the Windham projects.
“All were young people just out of the service and most were students of Kent and Hiram College. Rent was very cheap and not too bad housing. It was built by the Army to house workers for the Ravenna Arsenal. It resembled a barracks and we lived there three winters, alone. Of course, Daddy was in service at Columbus and visited occasionally on weekends. Soon, I was pregnant again and Diane was born in October, 1947 at St. Joseph’s Hospital.”
Then came a quick succession of moves. From Windham, we moved to Cuyahoga Falls, where, one day, little Diane ate goldfish food. After her brother teased her that she would wake up a goldfish, Mom sat by her side the entire night trying to convince her that she’d still be a little girl when she woke up.
“Their father was in an Air Force Camp in Dayton, OH. None of us saw him much and I was afraid to live alone, so I rented out one bedroom to a nurse… The rent money helped keep the family together because I was, at that time, receiving $178 a month from the government to live on.”
Then we moved to Akron, where Danny was born in December, at St. Thomas’ Hospital. Our father was transferred to USAF recruiting in Akron. Mom was sort of a “soccer Mom” without the soccer. She carted us to school, cooked chili spaghetti, and volunteered in the school cafeteria.
“Back in Niles, were so many very good friends who lasted all through the years, both good and bad. Audrey and Steve (Sylak) had four children almost the same ages as my own. These all grew up almost as close as brothers and sisters. There was our bridge club and eight of us who grew up together and raised all of our children to know each other. We still get together once a month to talk over old times and play bridge.”
We then moved to a great Warren neighborhood (Central Parkway) with a supervised playground across the street. Dad became a recruiting sergeant in Youngstown.
“We thought it would bring us altogether and a happy family at last. We joined St. James Church and our neighbors were wonderful. All of the children found lifetime friends—the Quimby’s and the Lachowski’s were the greatest. We had a large back yard and at times our front yard looked like a bicycle factory. “
When Mom was pregnant with Kathy, Dad took a transfer to Japan leaving Mom alone, again.
“In November, who walked in the house but their father. He would not stay in Japan three years alone. He made excuses to the Red Cross about me having a baby and needing him, so was sent home on the condition that me and all five children would return to Japan with him. Japan was the last place on earth I ever thought I’d go. It came as quite a shock. Kathy was born on December 4 and within six weeks, the Air Force packed all of our furniture, we rented out our house, and the family had no choice but to leave for Japan. My mother was more upset than any of us knew—she was also ill which we did not know. We bid our friends and relatives farewell and got on a train headed for San Francisco. We lived on Travis Air Base for two weeks until all of our overseas shots, passports, etc. were in order. Kathy was only about six weeks old and I was very ill; the travel was too much for me. ….I wanted to go back home, but my husband said I must go on for his sake or he could be court martialed. The day finally came for take-off. All five children, my husband and I went to the gate of departure. I took one look at that Air Force plane and shook all over…. It had four engines and the seats faced the rear of the plane (for safety reasons). Hawaii was to be our first stop; we were told it was a six hour flight. The weather was against us; a typhoon was churning and we had head winds against us. .. Where I sat over the wings, I kept watching the motors. I watched one catch fire, and it was cut off. Next I saw another motor catch fire and it was cut. We now had two motors running. The waves below us were very high and foamy. The heat in the plane was unbearable since the oxygen was running low and the stewardess gave me several “relaxing” pills to keep me quiet. My concern was I didn’t want all five of my children lost in that water below…. After ten hours, we finally landed at Hickam Air Base, Hawaii!!”
Two year old Danny had become very ill, and Mom had begun to hemorrhage. They were taken to the Army hospital, where Mom spent three days and Danny several weeks. Both parents refused to board another plane, so the Air Force sent us by ship.
At the dock, Mom was again dismayed by the small size of the ship we were scheduled on, the General Aultman, The ship became our home for three more weeks. Finally, we saw land, Yokohama, Japan. After an overnight stay, we traveled by train to the southern base of Itazuke on Kyushu Island. For a few weeks, we moved in with another family, who we didn’t even know.
“Then we moved to an American style house outside the gates near several small Japanese villages. The natives were mildly friendly.”
This was surprising, since only nine years before, we had dropped atom bombs on two of their major cities. One of the cities, Nagasaki, was only 50 miles away.
“Our food was bought at the airbase commissary as we were forbidden to eat from the Japanese markets. … They were a poor class of people and their work was mainly in the rice fields. .. After about a year, my husband was transferred to a base about ten miles away. My son, Johnny, was a Boy Scout and about 11 years old. We had spent days packing our belongings and all the children who were in school took a bus to get home. We warned Johnny to be sure to be on the bus, since the GI truck and all of us would be ready to move out at 3 p.m. Due to a Boy Scout meeting, he forgot to come home. We left at 3 p.m., but left him a note to get in touch with another boy’s father who would drive him to the new house. He felt very hurt, I know. He felt we ran away from him and had left him stranded in Japan, but our friend brought him safely home in the evening. The new house was on the base called Brady Air Base. Originally it was a Japanese POW camp where many of our GI’s were killed and tortured. The barracks was still there when the American took it over and rebuilt it. It was eerie!”
We children had no idea that the marriage was in turmoil. We played in underground bomb shelters. Johnny climbed Mt. Fuji.
Then Danny became seriously ill and almost died. A woman came to Mom’s door selling raffle tickets. She took one look at the sick baby in Mom’s arms and said “Your baby is dying. We need to get him to the hospital. “ Mom believed that was her guardian angel who had saved her baby.
There were typhoons, but no basement. Not an ideal situation for a woman who feared storms all her life.
As an infant in Japan, Kathy had a habit of holding her breath and passing out when she cried-- scaring Mom half to death. Mom would grab her and stick her head under the running faucet to revive her. We learned the language, and Mom cooked sukiyaki, which she served to a co-worker of Dad’s – Minni Ogata—not realizing that they were having an affair.
But our Nana was dying, so Mom packed up the five kids and floated home. We spent two weeks at sea, not to mention more train rides across the U.S.—with no money or food. The Red Cross provided us a brown bag type lunch which we made last for three days. The youngest child was two; the oldest was fifteen. We left our Dad behind in Japan, where he stayed for several more years. There is more to this story, but today is not the day…
Mom had dignity, grace and pride. Mom truly lived up to her confirmation name –Rose. She was beautiful, strong, yet fragile in some ways. You may notice the Rose theme at the funeral home today.
We hope you feel the same as we do—that we should celebrate Mom’s life today. It was an interesting one. Mom had been preparing to die for probably thirty years. Don’t get me wrong, she enjoyed her life—at least most of it. She had her trials and tribulations, but I suspect she took pride in overcoming odds and dealing with adversity.
Her favorite poem is “Don’t Quit.” It has been an inspiration for all of us.
“When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
And the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must—but don’t you quit.”
Mom’s faith in God and the hereafter has always been strong. She looked forward to meeting with her Mom, Dad and beloved baby brother, Larry. Some twenty years ago, she began to dispense her treasures to each of us as she saw fit. Photos, mementos, bronzed baby shoes, poem books, linens, whatever she thought we’d enjoy, we would get for Christmas gifts. There will be no fighting in this family over money or heirlooms. There are none left. What she left us with are memories.
We’ll always cherish her strong family values. As an example, at one point, we lived in a small three bedroom, one bath home with five children. Her brother moved in with our cousin Randy. Without a place to live with someone to care for Randy, Uncle Lawrence would have lost him. She made room.
When her marriage finally broke up, Mom got a full-time job at St. Joseph’s Hospital. She often had to walk to work because our car was undependable. She had little money, but a lot of courage. She never missed celebrating any of our birthdays. All holidays were sacred to her, and she had a special fondness for St. Patrick’s Day. She and Dan would often go to McMenamy’s to see the Irish dancers and hear the music and revelry. One year, though, she was too sick to go. Betsy asked the Dolan Brothers if they would sing “Danny Boy,” one of Mom’s favorite songs, over the phone for her Mom. When she called Mom and they performed, you could hear a pin drop in the normally raucous bar.
Her other favorite songs included
“Birthday of a King,”
“Ave Maria”
“I’ll Take You Home Again, Kathleen” (Kathy was named after this song)
“Blue Skirt Waltz”
“When Irish Eyes are Smiling”
Mom loved Elvis, Andre Rieu, Engelbert Humperdink, Perry Como and many more.
We all enjoyed her. She was generous and thoughtful. For several years, she drove to Youngstown to deliver groceries to her maiden cousins, Kitty and Mary Maloney. They rewarded her well. How many people realize she was a distant relative of the Packard’s? In fact, she remembered playing in the Packard mansion as a child.
She was also a sentimental sort, but the last few years have been particularly difficult in that respect. When a child or grandchild moved away, as she said goodbye, the look on her face said, “Will I ever see this person again?” We were sure she’d live forever, but in the backs of our minds, we knew better. She’d prepared us well for this day.
She loved her children and their children. She loved fudge (in fact, she asked for it the day before she died), Helen Quimby’s cookies, maple chocolates, Bun bars and Mocha House cheesecakes.
She loved her religion, birthday parties, and cooked a mean Thanksgiving turkey. She loved bridge, bingo and even took up pinball in her later years. She actually kept a pinball machine for several years in her own basement (aka, the O’Brien Tornado Shelter).
Mom had a habit of underlining key words on all greeting cards—a trait we’ve discovered is genetic—Betsy, Kathy, Terri and Alli all have the same habit.
Mom loved to travel, especially after retiring. Several years ago, she traveled back to Hawaii, her dream vacation. In an essay she composed, which we found this week, she compared her trip to Hawaii to her visit on earth.
“I must not miss a single experience, enjoy it, remember it whether it be good or bad. In my memory, it is an experience. Live it to the fullest. Consider my visit on earth the same as my visit to Hawaii. This too will pass away, one of my favorite slogans. As the departure time from this vacation land on earth arrives, I pray that I will have the courage to do the same as I did on my return from Hawaii. These were my thoughts—I am here. I must get on that plane, be brave, trust in God and cross over all that water and fly to my home. I looked back with a tear in my eye at the wonderful vacation land and left Hawaii to those people there and was contented to head for home. All my friends and family were there. I pray that God will give us all the same thoughts as we end our journey on earth and travel to our home in heaven.
I pray that I will have the courage to look back with a tear in my eye at leaving earth because I did enjoy my life here, although I experienced much bitterness. But I’ll try to remember only the sweetness and the happiness here because it greatly outweighed the bitterness. Then I will turn my head to it all, look back with a tear and a smile and say I’m ready to go home! All’s well, and I’m in God’s land.”
Mom lived through the Depression, several wars, (including her own marriage) and five teen-aged kids. We put her through a lot—we five kids and her husband. There has never been a boring moment. She learned to roll with the punches, let us live our lives and make our own mistakes. But she was always there for us.
Thank you all for being there, and here, for her. |
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